We are what we do.

What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, ‘This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!’ Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, ‘Never have I heard anything more divine’?

-Nietzsche

work-life balance

Today on his blog, Seth said:

Every 18 months for the last decade, the world has doubled the data it pushes to you.
Twice as much email, twice as many friend requests, twice as many sites to check, twice as many devices.
When does your mind lose the ability to keep up? Then what happens? Is it already happening?

Often and, i think with a different message in mind, the cast of MTV’s Jersey Shore say “Imma do me“.

That’s the answer to Seth’s question: focus on what’s important to you. Sure, there’s a crush of information and opportunity with it, but, i think we’re each best served by finishing, delivering, completing tasks, jobs, projects etc. It’s my job to be productive; being fully informed is a luxury. Said another way: it’s my job to be productive; it’s possible to be well enough informed to be effective at that job without attending to every piece of information available.

Seneca said, “there is also steadfastness, that cannot be dislodged from its position, and cannot be made to abandon its purpose by any exertion of force.”

I prefer to think of my goal-oriented lifestyle as steadfastly dedicated to those goals, rather than an effect of a stubborn nature.  The difference may seem subtle but it’s really rather huge – in this context I mean to suggest to you that steadfastness is a choice,  while stubbornness is a reflex or an otherwise unconscious behaviour.

Steadfastness is consistency in pursuing a goal or living out a vision; it has been the critical factor to success in my past academics, athletics and business.

Now steadfast adherence to my image of a happy, healthy, busy and self-aware home is top of mind because, to paraphrase Aristotle: happiness is not a state we pass in or out of. Rather, happiness is something we DO.

be well.

Self love is a heady drug. The question is: are you chasing that dragon without even knowing it?

a. ORIGINS:

Narcissus is a hero in Greek mythology;  in the various stories he is exceptionally cruel, disdaining those who love him.  As divine punishment he falls in love with a reflection in a pool, not realizing it was his own, and perishes there, not being able to leave the beauty of his own reflection.

b. GETTING CLINICAL

The narcissist is described as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, and prestige.  Psychiatrists recognize “narcissistic personality disorder” in the DSM-IV-TR as being:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

3. believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

4. requires excessive admiration

5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

7. lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her

9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

c. GETTING REAL

Note the word “grandiosity” and don’t be distracted by it. It’s not meant to suggest only the famous are able to be narcissists. It is meant to refer to YOUR sense that YOUR life is important, worthy of everyone’s attention – grandiose.

I I I. ME ME ME. Yes, we all can hear you and we all know who you are in the way you want us to know you.  You’re very important and we’re all glad we get to hear about you and your life in such great detail…

but

Your love of self & constant need to express your definition of you to us – to prove to us you’re who you imagine you are or would like to be – is the reason happiness will always be out of your reach & why love is just so complicated to you.  Why can’t you find a girl to understand you? You’re a nice guy!  We know. The women you meet know – because you spend great effort to make sure we do – and we are exhausted by your constant portrayal of identity & lack of genuine social interaction.  We all know who you are and are uninterested in spending time with a character from a movie.

d. A Question:

Wikipedia’s entry suggests that NPD occurs in about 1% of the population.  How many people do you know that seem to be playing a part in a movie, rather than truly interacting with the people in their lives?

Valentines’ Day is this weekend.  You’re single. You want something uplifting, even in this age where 40%+ of new marriages dissolve before their 4th anniversary, so here you go:

you can never have a good relationship with anyone when your focus is the relationship. There’s ahuman being there who existed well before you got to them, and they weren’t built for you or your needs or your parents or your future dreams as an actor.

If you want to be happy with someone then your body and mind have to instinctively adapt to their happiness.  If you’re not ready for this kind of sacrifice, then do you & your potential mates a favour: stay single.