Self love is a heady drug. The question is: are you chasing that dragon without even knowing it?

a. ORIGINS:

Narcissus is a hero in Greek mythology;  in the various stories he is exceptionally cruel, disdaining those who love him.  As divine punishment he falls in love with a reflection in a pool, not realizing it was his own, and perishes there, not being able to leave the beauty of his own reflection.

b. GETTING CLINICAL

The narcissist is described as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, and prestige.  Psychiatrists recognize “narcissistic personality disorder” in the DSM-IV-TR as being:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

3. believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

4. requires excessive admiration

5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

7. lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her

9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

c. GETTING REAL

Note the word “grandiosity” and don’t be distracted by it. It’s not meant to suggest only the famous are able to be narcissists. It is meant to refer to YOUR sense that YOUR life is important, worthy of everyone’s attention – grandiose.

I I I. ME ME ME. Yes, we all can hear you and we all know who you are in the way you want us to know you.  You’re very important and we’re all glad we get to hear about you and your life in such great detail…

but

Your love of self & constant need to express your definition of you to us – to prove to us you’re who you imagine you are or would like to be – is the reason happiness will always be out of your reach & why love is just so complicated to you.  Why can’t you find a girl to understand you? You’re a nice guy!  We know. The women you meet know – because you spend great effort to make sure we do – and we are exhausted by your constant portrayal of identity & lack of genuine social interaction.  We all know who you are and are uninterested in spending time with a character from a movie.

d. A Question:

Wikipedia’s entry suggests that NPD occurs in about 1% of the population.  How many people do you know that seem to be playing a part in a movie, rather than truly interacting with the people in their lives?

Valentines’ Day is this weekend.  You’re single. You want something uplifting, even in this age where 40%+ of new marriages dissolve before their 4th anniversary, so here you go:

you can never have a good relationship with anyone when your focus is the relationship. There’s ahuman being there who existed well before you got to them, and they weren’t built for you or your needs or your parents or your future dreams as an actor.

If you want to be happy with someone then your body and mind have to instinctively adapt to their happiness.  If you’re not ready for this kind of sacrifice, then do you & your potential mates a favour: stay single.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

martin luther king junior

I:

and also: on that being the way it is.

Money is the key to end all your woes / won’t ya tell me the last time love bought you clothes?

II:

My second greatest hope in life is that these women know how much I love them, that they’ve given a meaning to my life that I had no right to expect, that no one can ever take from me.

That’s something far more important than the clothes on my back.

III:

The greatest hope? That my children will dare to love with their whole being, everything they are.

If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with?  Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back.  The truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To live a life and not fall deeply in love – well, you haven’t lived a life at all.  You have to try.

Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.

Bravery is not the lack of fear.  Bravery is acting in spite of fear.

Four Canadian soldiers returned home from Afghanistan this past weekend, albeit earlier than they had planned. Or, at least, their bodies did.

Each will be missed by someone.  Each leaves behind someone… a someone who will eventually have to smile and make small talk and pay bills and go to work… while carrying a burden of pointless emptiness while they mark time after the one they loved moved on.

I never met those soldiers; nor will I ever forget them.  Thank you. Farewell.